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Old Bulletins

Old bulletin board
Jan. 29th, 2015
Training will pay of for the Deities
For the last two season Deities of Doom has been going through a secret practice regime, namely punching bags of bones repeatedly in order to perfect their bone-crushing abilities. This was done for one purpose and one purpose only:

This will be the season where Peter Paulsen dies.
- Michael F
Sep. 5th, 2014
Oh, so NOW he joins!
As always, the dusty cowards aka. Peter Paulsen and the rest of Dead Diggers wait to make see if the mighty Deities of Doom is otherwise engaged before joining the league. With Management busy corralling Villainous Vermin, He will not have a chance to hunt down Peter Paulsen and get his money back this season.

But He can still cheer on his demise from the sideline!
- Michael F
Apr. 1st, 2013
Chaos dwarfs Chaos Dwarfs
It is a given that the mighty Chaos always will looms large over the diminutive copycats that is the chaos dwarfs. Management were proud to see that the axiom held true against Brimstone Raiders, and is sure that it will continue in the upcoming game against Fargrakh Blackbull Raiders. They will also give their half-pint of blood each!
- Michael F
Jan. 22nd, 2013
A Huge Round of Applause
Management wishes to congratulate this years winner, Addicted Lunatics Clan, with their first ever honour. Though the Deadwood Blights and the Dark side of the Moon did well with all the running about and touching an inflated pigs bladder like the pansies that they are, it is the Addicted Lunatics Clan who captured the crowds imagination this season, with an average 1 kill/match. They even managed to not-lose two matches during the season, a feat almost unheard of for such a punch-inviting team. We salute you, you little feckers! A special mention goes out to Ingis Willow for killing a brace of opponents, and winning Top Killer. Management cannot look at this proud player without thinking "I need a new dinner table". Hopefully Ingis Willow and the rest of Foodfighters will progress bracket of worth, so his decorating ideas can come true.

Management has regretted his short dalliance with the pansy side of the playbook. Though Villainous Vermin preformed okay with 25 cas/5 kills in 7 games, it never felt like a true carnage. That is why season 30 will be marked with the return of the vainglorious carnage that is Deities of Doom. They have disappointed in the past, but when a thrice damned GOBLIN team can win Deadliest Team, we shall surely CRUSH YOU ALL!!!
- Michael F
Apr. 4th, 2012
Looking good going into the cross over
With the emo elves Dark side of the Moon crossing fists with the putrid-but-powerfull Scum of the Earth next round, it looks as if the illustrious Deities of Doom might just win group A (...on CAS..).

Management is quoted saying: "We shall crumble them dry bones, for as the song says:

"Dust rise right on over my time
Empty fossil of the new scene
I feel so alone
Gonna end up a big ole pile a them bones"".

Although Management is not known for his classical education, this reporter believes that the Dead Diggers is in for an old fashioned whoopin'.

And we all hope that Peter Paulsen re-dies...

Special mention: Management is always glad to see new strong teams in-the-making, and would like to extend it's best wishes to Newbstomper, and caution "hey, don't get penisy kid!"
- Michael F
Mar. 2nd, 2012
Peter fecking Paulsen
We see him.

He is at it again. Sure Søren Blood Jr. and Dynamit-Harry are good, and have had spectacular games, but over the course of a season it is Peter Paulsen who ruins it for us. We need to make to bigger and better casualty scores, but our chances would be a whole lot better if the pile of bones would just unanimate. So we upped the ante and the reward, so why don't someone just rip his fucking skull off!

We see him, make it so that we don't!
- Michael F
Jan. 13th, 2012
Season 28, the quest for not-last!
Last season was an unmitigated disaster. For the first time in the Deities vainglorious history, we finally finished last. We circled the drain on many a season, but the move from lower to upper bracket finally flushed us down the drain and into the sewers.

Once again Management has some 'splaining to do. The last place might be excusable if the Deities had finished well in the important ranks such as most deadly, casualty inflicter and killer, but Ludbik finished on a shared second with only two kills, and a shared 9th with Krasac the Twitchy. All in all, the season was a disaster, and management came close to shutting the team down. The only reason for continuing is that the lack of sufficient violence is better than the complete absence of violence!

Peter Paulsen finished the season with 8 kills from 16 casualties, a 50% kill rate form a large sample. We effin' hate that bastard from the bottom of our black jealous hearts, and so choose to spend a bit of surplus dosh on making him deadder even more attractive for other teams.

Apparently Double Dodgers won the running, jumping and throwing part of the tournament. We would like to offer our congratulations to one of the only teams that we beat in those very categories. Kudos sirs, kudos!

Season 28 here we come, horns first!
- Michael F
Sep. 20th, 2011
A week of mixed blessings
Looking back on the first three weeks on the season, Management notices one thing, one insult, one catastrophic rectum-violating instance of supreme injustice; WHAT IN THE HOT HUMID HELLS ARE WE DOING TOPPING THE FAIR PLAY LIST!

Sure, we are also sharing the most lethal list, but we have only one on the top cas. inflicter list and two on the killers list. But in three games, we have only managed 8 casualties and only caused two fatalities. It is time to step up and take out many more opponents, or Management will have to take action!

Management also notices with disappointment that two players with great hurting potential chose to waste their time during yesterdays bout by running about with the ball-thing. They will have to be disciplined.
- Michael F
May 17th, 2011
Pain, death and dismemberment incomming.
Season 25 was an abomination for the Deities. With only 4 kills in all, we only managed an 8th place on the glorious killers list, and only had 2 spots on the casualty inflictor list. With the team presumably stronger than ever after 4 seasons in the lower bracket, why were our results so poor? Management soon found the problem; we had spent too much time messing about with the ball, and too little time punching people. With this humiliating realisation, there was only one thing to do. The Deities took a season off to whip some perspective into the players, literally.

With the Deities now in better shape, finally understanding that the ball is only the bait used to bring the opposition players closer to your fists, Management took a quick look at the recently finished season 26, and what it saw was mortifying.

Management is happy to see the Dead Diggers at the top, it is a strong team who likes a good punch-up, and whose players crumbles with a most satisfying sound of rattling bones. But what in all that’s unholy is an ELF, Morvian Hellstrike doing at the top of the killer board! Elfs are puny little things with limp wrists and manicured nails who would lose an arm wrestling contest with an infant snotling! And Morvian Hellstrike won the most glorious of prizes with only 3 kills!

Management grudgingly congratulates Army Of Lovers for a season well played, but now looks forward to a new season, where the Deities will return and cause havoc amongst all these unsuspecting, bleating lambs!
- Michael F
Sep. 21st, 2010
Deities chase fourth not-last season!
After three solid seasons of finishing not-last, the Deities return looking for even more slaughter. Last season the team won the most coveted accolade of all, the Most Lethal team award, led by the new star Ludbik who slashed his way to the Top Killer award with 5 kills. With the team looking better than ever before, there are solid reasons to believe that they will be even more deadly this time around.

The team is improved on almost every position (except for that silly ball-fondling thing), and there is even a chance that they will move into the upper bracket this season. Team representatives believe that they will be at least as effective in the upper bracket as they have been in the lower, where they have always secured lower-half-but-NOT-last position.
- Michael F
June 14th, 2010
Season won by Deities of Doom
Some skinny emo elves called Death Extravagante claims to have won the the league, but the deities take the real crown by killing 10 players of the opposing teams.

And sure, a team of half naked norsemen called Olvig Vikings had more total casualties, 58 to be exact, but the limp wristed pansy boys only managed a paultry 8 kills, meaning they needed 7.25 casualties to kill a player. Sad really...

The Deities scored an okay, but not spectacular 33 casualties, but managed 10 kills, meaning that they killed almost one in three. And first amongst killers was Ludbik, who despite only being added to the team in the second game of the season, led the way with 14 casualties and 5 kills. The earnt him the honer of being named killer of the year in Aros, and making the team the most lethal of season 24. So pleased were Krasac the Twitchy that he spontaniously sprouted tentacles like his hero Ludbik.

Next year, with the added spp under the belt, and two st5 tentacle players to grasp the opposition the Deities with tear you apart!

Mind you, they properbly still wont worry about all that faffing about with the ball!
- Michael F
Apr. 8th, 2010
An actual WIN!
In FFFAATK - Deities of Doom (Season XXIV, round 7) things started to look up for everyone's favourites; Deities of Doom!

The always crowd pleasing Ludbik actually managed to cause two casualties in the first turn! First he removed Grob McGraw, sending him off badly hurt with his nose in a sling. Then an unfortunate FFFAATK player decided to even the score but fell victim to the mighty Minotaur. So proud was he of this accomplishment, that Ludbik decided he had don enough, and didn't move the entire second turn.

Faust the Feckless also managed a fast brace of casualties, further depleting FFFAATK in the first half. The score should have been 2-0 in the first half, but a failed hand off (2-RR-2) meant that the single score was all the team managed.

In the second half Deities of Doom conquered the ball early on, but lost it again, marking the beginning of a long tug-of-war between the two teams. In the last turn, Jones D. Felix managed a couple of dodges, picked up the ball and threw it beautifully to the free catcher Gony Tonzalez the 3rd using a slew of fours, fives and sixes. Gony Tonzalez the 3rd only had to catch the ball (3+ with catch) and would then have equalised. Oh how we laughed!!!

Krasac the Twitchy was the sole TD scorer of the game, and was therefore also chosen as the game MVP. He decided to spend the bonus on hardly legal drugs, and as a result has managed to pump his already impressive physique to match that of Ludbik. This shall certainly come in handy in the next scheduled match against Amøbedrengene
- Michael F
Feb. 9th, 2010
Deities season starts with sore bottoms
Dice rape is the only way to describe the match between the noble Deities of Doom and the putrid, foul smelling hairy barstards of Breakers.

Though the team started strong, catching the little blighters wrong footed, the increasingly superhuman dice rolling from the subterranean dice whores meant that the blindingly superior Deities of Doom had no chance of making a come back.

Not our fault. At all...bastards.

Time to buy more muscle!
- Michael F
Aug. 20th, 2009
Deities back for more!
After a brake spent in training camp, the Dieties are back to defend their NOT-LAST place in the previous season.

The coach has heard somthing about a play called a "Cage", and has modified this to something more suitable for a beastherd; the Pen! It is even said to be mightier than a sword, though early experiments have disproven that theory. This is also the reason why there are no new recruits at the beginning this season.

The Deity star Prion has spent the off season howling in this cage, longing for what his little addeld brain believes to be his true love, Frozen Madmen 's gorgeus Snefnug. nobody has had the heart (or cojones) to tell him that she, and they, might be in a whole other league this season.

But this will be a season of redemption! No more warriors dying left and right! No more failed pick ups of balls and snow trolls! No more 9:1 scoring ratio! this year the Deities will score every other game, or truely be doomed!
- Michael F
Apr. 27th, 2009
First season an outstanding success!
Although the other teams of the league did all they could, a beautiful long pass for a TD in the last match of the season, meant that the Deities didn't suffer a 1:10 TD ratio this season! Next season, with a little luck, they could manage a 1:7!

But the season have not been a total cake walk. The loss of all starting warriors, hurt the team slightly, along with the complete lack of decent plays, fumbled balls, self-inflicted wounds and an absence of a offensive or defensive game.

The team is, however, slightly better of than when starting the season, and the players now look forward to a whole slew of halfling teams that are bound to start up in the next season...right?
- Michael F
Feb. 19th, 2009
Deities meets expectations
The first match of the religiously...diverse team proved the critics right, a team comprised of zealots from 11 different religions will cause problems for themselves.

However the match did show the way forwards. The ferver of Prion, the minotaur who chose to forgo his normal violent antics for the greater part of the game, and choose instead to bellow the profound religious texts of his diety, Grxlm.

the rest of the team were so impressed / intimidated that they have promised to try and assemble under Grxlm word for their next game, and see if he brings more luck.

Prion naturally was awarded with a MVP for his efforts.
- Michael F
Deities of Doom
Race:  Chaos Chosen
Coach:  Michael F

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